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Over the last 16 years, I have been raised in a culture where
modesty is important. Because of being a "Mormon" I am almost hyper aware of how I
dress or come across. My parents raised me to see that my
body was something sacred and not to be flaunted before the world.
Now something I find hard, in this world that I grow up in, is that
modesty is something that is not taken for granted, or expected. This I
understand. Most of the time cultures lacking my standards is fine.
The world may be what it will, I will still be me. However, something I
do take issue with and find offensive is the prevalence of online
images made to be immodest and sensual. I am not talking necessarily about pornography, or
explicit images. I am simply talking about all the fandom made images, video game characters, genera models, advertising in general, and media in which the
woman are obviously there for sex appeal.
I find it hard to be barraged constantly by pictures of singers, actresses, models and "sexy" video game characters. Through these
pictures woman are told many different things. When a friend says, "I
just love playing this character!" and proceeds to show you pictures of a
tall looking woman who has large breasts, an abnormally thin waist, and
a large... rump, I can't help wincing. Then to see this
character, with the body proportions that men seem to want, fighting
battles and doing it while in a skin tight dress is more then
disheartening.
The problem for me is that even if you aren't viewing porn you see women being objectified online ALL the time.
This leads me to wonder how a real relationship will ever work in the
future. As a Mormon, I am who I am, people may objectify me in their
own minds, but I shall never let myself be used as an object. However, I
still feel a pang knowing I can never measure up to what is portrayed
online and in our larger American culture. I am a real girl, and as
such I have hair that doesn't look silky, and when the wind blows it all
wants to go into my mouth. I am average height exactly, my curves aren't even in the range of online gaming characters
curves, I wear normal clothes, and I don't fight monsters... and
the thing is it hurts. Through these images I see what many males would
consider the "ideal" woman, and I am far from it body wise, activity wise,
and not to mention dress wise.
I have nothing
against gaming (in moderation). I have nothing against woman being
allowed to dress how they will. I do take issue with the fact that I
can see how easily it would be to "undress" many video game
characters. I find it hard to believe that any man will seek for a
worthwhile, and meaningful relationship in the future, because why
should he? Why should you go for the real thing, when the fake thing
has everything you'd like to see and is so much less work? Because of media and gaming I at least feel a layer of distress, and stress added
to my life as I watch my friends spend hours playing with these "perfectly" formed and appealing characters.
No
woman is just her body, and I find it unfortunate that inadvertently boys and men put such stress on the
physical.
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Lately the term 'dating' has been on my mind... rather a lot. See, for us Latter Day Saints (Mormons) dating is something you wait until 16 to do. Rather, that's what's supposed to happen. However, the whole thing seems a little confusing. I mean the whole "Don't date until your 16" thing is kind of straight forward. However, lots of teens in my religion seem confused about what kind of dating your allowed to do at that age. *Sigh* I could go on and on about that... saying how wrong I think some people are... but what I really want to discuss is simply my thoughts and view on the matter. Not: my view on how others should go about it.
I think that different people definitely have various things that work for them, whether they be LDS (a Latter Day Saint) or if they are from another denomination. Some teens are very mature, and some just... aren't. So, I think that people really should just focus on what their dating ideas are. What I believe in, as far as dating goes, is based a lot on what my religion and parents advise.
So basically my view of 'dating' is that its okay to go on group dates starting at 16, and that going on single dates are appropriate when you get older and are more interested in finding a person to marry. I also think that you shouldn't be exclusive (exclusive = having a boyfriend or girlfriend) until you've gone on several single dates and until you are actually interested in marrying the person you want to be exclusive with.
There you go. In one complete paragraph I have stated how I think utopia 'dating' should work. Sadly 'dating' seems to be a lot more complicated then that.
For some reason society seems to want people to be exclusive. They think it makes sense for teens to pair off. They encourage it! For me this just seems ridiculous because... well... a teenage relationship will lead either to things that I consider to be sinful when not limited to marriage, or to breaking up. The fact is that I believe feelings leading to romantic love should be between a man and a woman who can actually take things somewhere without it leading to sin.
Society's encouragement of teens pairing off troubles me for the above reasons, and because it seems like you can't escape the fact that everyone (including myself sometimes) puts others into 'couples' and pairs. This makes it hard for me because I know that when I turn 16, and were to go on a group date, then many of my friends (if not all) would think that I liked my date. Through no real fault of their own, but through conditioning, they would think that we were together. Then if I were to go out with another young man (lets say the next week) many would see me as a sort of player. They'd see me as cheating on the young man that I went out with first. Even though I never had any sort of relationship with either of them and they are both simply my friends.
I turn 16 in only a little bit. I have my idea of how dating should work, and the world has their view. Unfortunately the carrying out of my idea's will probably be viewed unfavorably by those who look at me from a more normal and non-Mormon, non-Naomi point of view.
So, maybe I'll end up going through with my ideas and pretend not to care about any labels people may give me. Or, I could just not do any kind of dating for awhile. I could just wait until I get out of this weird teenage limbo. I could just hangout with people. Who knows what I'll do though? I most certainly don't.
16... I am coming. I just don't know what to do with you.
See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.
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Modesty seems to be something that a lot of people talk about. How there is a lack thereof, why it doesn't matter, why it does, what is even the reason for modesty, and many more things. Of course, as an LDS member, or as a "Mormon", I have this all figured out. For myself.
I think that modesty is a big deal. Not just because it helps guys keep their thoughts clean, and because I believe it shows God that I respect the gift that is my body. But also because I think that dressing modestly helps me feel the Holy Ghost (same thing as the Holy Spirit). I believe that dressing modestly and being modest can help me stay close to the Lord.
Wait a sec. I just said "dressing modestly, and being modest" as if those are two separate things... I mean, aren't they pretty much the same? Ok. One sec here. What am I even saying?
Ok, I'm talking about modesty. Dressing modestly seems to be pretty much what everyone is concerned about. When people talk about being modest, they always seem to be talking about clothing, or the lack thereof. So, I guess when I said those two very similar things "dressing modestly" and "being modest" I really am talking about two rather different, though related things.
In my mind dressing modestly is a really easy thing to do. I mean, it's pretty straightforward. Either your parents (or church) have standards and you follow them, or you have dress standards, or perhaps you don't care. But, anyway it is pretty simple to dress as you think you should.
Interestingly people seem to think this modesty issue is only the girl's problem. But I find this ridiculous. Not because it is just as easy for guys to dress provocatively (which is the main reason people talk about modesty), but because modesty is more than just a dressing issue.
Modesty has everything to do with not only how you dress, but how you act, what you say, and the things you choose to read, listen to, watch and simply be. Modesty is a two-way thing. But, not only in the way you dress. Guys can be modest by simply choosing to not watch videos with immodest people or to not make crass jokes. I think everyone who is concerned over the modesty issue should realize that its a two-way thing, and it doesn't necessarily always apply to just fashion.