Illogical Running

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.
____________________________________________

     Running turns to walking 

     When faced with ice

     So loving should turn to nothing

     When ones treated as a vice

     Yet the heart warms

     Though it may shiver

     So all to often

     The heart slowly withers 

     For it doesn't retreat 

     It simply stays

     When it should 

     have relinquished 

     It's prey

Poem 215 ~ 3/19/2015

Why is it?

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.

____________________________________________

     While pondering life, and the greatness of it, I realized something.  It must be one of the greatest common ironies of life.  This irony being, that the people closest to us, are often the ones we express ourselves the least to.

     When I say express ourselves... I don't just mean by talking, I mean, simply making things known in a straightforward way.  Often, I will express to a perfect stranger, "Hey, I really like your hair."  Sometimes, I will even praise a person's choice of book or music.  However, how often do I tell my own family that I like how they’re dressed, or say, "I love that TV show! I am glad we can like it together."?

     I think that sometimes, we forget to not take those close to us for granted.  I will often get caught up in something, and forget to mention things because it seems 'obvious.'  Such as, I obviously liked the present I gave this kid, so why should I mention that I think he looks dashing wearing it?  Well, sometimes, the things that seem simple, and not necessary, can be the things that might bring the most pleasure to someone.

     I just go around assuming that my friends know how much I love hanging with them, because I try to make it happen regularly.  But, why don't I ever just take 5 seconds and tell them?  It can't be because I'm "too busy" because who is too busy to take a moment to say something?  However, the fact is that I don't mention the little things that make me happy.

     A friend told me that I should write a list of things that make me happy.  At first, I was going to list blessings, however, then I thought about it, and I decided to write about things that are simply... nice.  It is very strange to look at it and realize that many of these 'nice' things are things that I could say thanks to people for... Such as when somebody saves me a seat in class, or has a place they want me to sit; being invited over to somebody's house to hangout; and being asked to dance, even if they felt like it was a little late to ask.

     There are SO many things I could say that make me happy, and that I've never even thought to thank my family, or friends for... So, I'd like to take a moment to tell everyone who has touched my life in some way: Thank you!  My parents, my siblings, my extended family, and my friends.... you all deserve to be thanked.  Maybe someday I will get better at voicing myself to those who matter.  Starting now, I am going to try and get better at it.

The Change Fear

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.

____________________________________________

     Change.

     Most people think of it and immediately get worried about things such as college, retirement, moving, death, or perhaps simply getting rid of a few things.  We worry about so many things.  "Will it be a good change?" "Does it need to happen?" "Are things better now?"

     There are so many things to worry about.  So many things to think about, but change seems to be one of the top things we think of and let consume our thoughts.  We give it a life of its own.  We worry about if the new school will be too harsh, or if we really will need that power tool in a few weeks, or years.  Life is so full of fluctuating pieces that we must re-arrange, and yet we can't know until later what kind of picture the pieces are making.

     In my mind, the fear isn't really of change at all though.  The change is of the unknown that surrounds or lays past the change itself.  We get stuck in right now, because it is known, and comfortable.  Some people may argue to say that their presence is very uncomfortable, but often these same people aren't happy with the idea of change either.  In a way, I think that many times, its not just the joys but also the pains that make us comfortable. 

     How can pain make you or I comfortable though, you may well ask.  Well, I think that it is not necessarily the pain of something that causes us to be comfortable, but rather the fact that we understand it, and that it is expected, and known which makes it comfortable.  You settle down into your little rut of being called certain things, of dealing with the kid's rooms not being clean, (or to be more extreme) of being beaten by your spouse.  However, somehow you find a sense of comfort in that because you know what that kind of pain is like.  Granted I could be wrong... but I think: 

     We fear moving away from things we know. We fear what we don't understand. We fear the unknown. Change brings these things we fear thus, to some level, we fear change.

Introvert vs. Extrovert

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.
____________________________________________

     I think it interesting that people like so to make ultimatums and generalizations.  I find it interesting and amusing.  Like Dumbledore said, "We have all got both light and dark inside us."  I think it is silly when people say things like, "she is always happy," or when people say, "If you want my love you have to treat me well." The thing is that their rarely is such defined things.  Who can 'always' be happy?  Who can treat someone well all the time?

      This is a strange intro to what I actually want to say...

     What I actually wanted to talk about (as the title indicates) is myself when compared with the titles 'introvert' and 'extrovert.'  Here is the thing... I wouldn't really describe myself as either.

     Now, I know that a lot of people would laugh at this.  However, it is true.  Many people tend to see me as the very essence of an extrovert.  However, sometimes I exhibit very introvertly like qualities.  Sometimes I just don't want to see people.  I am often scared of people I don't really know.  Sometimes I am shy about talking about my opinions.  Often I imagine a 'social event' as just chilling with a couple people rather than having a crowd over, and even more often I'd just like to curl up with a book.

     I think it is interesting how some people are in fact definitely and most legitimately an 'introvert' or an 'extrovert' yet, even though most people seem to be a sort of mix, everyone is judged to be one or the other.  I seem to think that people are a good mix of both, and that how they act simply depends on different variables. 

     Maybe though, at heart, everyone really is one or the other and most people simply adapt so that we all get along better.  Maybe things are not as they seem, and the generalization, that English professors seem to hate so much, is actually very close to the truth.

     Now I have reached the place where I have gone in a circle with my thinking.  But, I remain firm in my belief that most people have a bit of both in them.  In everybody, there seems to be a bit of the introvert and the extrovert, in general.  For what reason or how the pieces of both things come to be in people, I don't know.  However, I have a bit of both and I think most people do.

Being a Teen - Peers

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.

____________________________________________

     I find the whole idea of peers to be interesting.  I find it interesting that adults have this image of shoving a bunch of the same aged kids together and then "poof" you have peers.

     For me the word peer implies equal.  Now I'm not trying to say that I don't find my supposed 'peers' to be on the same mental plane as me.  Not at all.  However, I do want to imply that I don't think that peers are really defined by what age they are.  For me, I count my peers to be those who have my same interests, who have similar personality traits and those who understand where I am coming from.

     I find it strange that we are expected to have peers from our own grades.  I find it slightly silly that many people seem to think that age difference (or grade difference) makes somebody not your 'peer.'

     Now that you know where I am coming from, I will say that I have a problem with this idea that peers are your age.  I think it is a problem because in many ways it tells teens, who are slightly different than the kids they know their age, that something is wrong with how they think.  Or, not necessarily wrong, but that they have to change if they want to get along with their 'peers.'

     I think that most of the pressure we have as teens to 'fit in' comes from the fact that we feel that those our age must be our peers.  If we don't think conventionally then we think something is wrong.  I think that people have this inner source that makes them desire other people's company.  We all desire to have peers.  But, I think that the idea that this urge and desire should lead us only to people are our own age... it's silly.

     For a little while, when I was in Maryland, I was in a homeschool girl scout troop.  It was really fun until the girls all hit about 9, or 10. Suddenly we had the outgoing girls being 'popular.' The shy girls formed their own group, and the girls in-between just got to do whatever they wanted.  It was strange to watch as the in-between girls slowly made themselves more outgoing or shyer. It was a barely noticeable change, but I saw it. They changed because they knew who their 'peers' were, and they wanted to fit in and to be good friends with them.

     I never fit in with either group really. I never wanted to. I had friends in both groups and I was fine with hanging with all of them.  I stayed true to who I knew my real peers were in the beginning.

      I think people should change their image of peers. We should stop thinking that peers are our age, and start thinking more along the lines of peers being those like us.

Modesty is a Two Way Thing

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.

____________________________________________

     Modesty seems to be something that a lot of people talk about.  How there is a lack thereof, why it doesn't matter, why it does, what is even the reason for modesty, and many more things.  Of course, as an LDS member, or as a "Mormon", I have this all figured out.  For myself.

     I think that modesty is a big deal.  Not just because it helps guys keep their thoughts clean, and because I believe it shows God that I respect the gift that is my body.  But also because I think that dressing modestly helps me feel the Holy Ghost (same thing as the Holy Spirit).  I believe that dressing modestly and being modest can help me stay close to the Lord.

     Wait a sec. I just said "dressing modestly, and being modest" as if those are two separate things... I mean, aren't they pretty much the same? Ok. One sec here. What am I even saying?

     Ok, I'm talking about modesty.  Dressing modestly seems to be pretty much what everyone is concerned about.  When people talk about being modest, they always seem to be talking about clothing, or the lack thereof. So, I guess when I said those two very similar things "dressing modestly" and "being modest" I really am talking about two rather different, though related things. 
    
     In my mind dressing modestly is a really easy thing to do.  I mean, it's pretty straightforward.  Either your parents (or church) have standards and you follow them, or you have dress standards, or perhaps you don't care.  But, anyway it is pretty simple to dress as you think you should.

     Interestingly people seem to think this modesty issue is only the girl's problem.  But I find this ridiculous.  Not because it is just as easy for guys to dress provocatively (which is the main reason people talk about modesty), but because modesty is more than just a dressing issue. 

     Modesty has everything to do with not only how you dress, but how you act, what you say, and the things you choose to read, listen to, watch and simply be.  Modesty is a two-way thing.  But, not only in the way you dress.  Guys can be modest by simply choosing to not watch videos with immodest people or to not make crass jokes.  I think everyone who is concerned over the modesty issue should realize that its a two-way thing, and it doesn't necessarily always apply to just fashion.

Helicopter Parenting

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the blog.

____________________________________________

Since humans were around there have been protective parents.  The natural instincts of a parent is to help their children, and to try and help them be the best that they can.  However, the number of overly protective parents has suddenly grown exponentially.  This sudden increase is probably due mostly to technology, and the ability it gives parents to contact their child instantly.  Only recently has an official term, for the overly protective parents, been coined.  The term is “helicopter parents.”  These parents are the ones that do everything they can to keep their child from getting hurt, emotionally or physically.  They are the parents who will call their child's teacher to argue over grades, text their child repeatedly to make sure they are “ok,” and who may even ask their child to keep skype on all night so that they can keep on eye on them (Time Health & Family).  These parents need to stop hovering not only because they are doing strange things while trying to help their kids, but also because what they are doing may be accomplishing the opposite of what they want.

 

Recent studies have shown that children who have been hovered over have a tendency towards self-doubt.  These kids parents mean the best but their method of helping is actually backfiring.  When kids get a A- on a rather tricky test they should be pleased with themselves.  However, when a helicopter parent calls the teacher who graded the test in order to quibble over the grade it makes the child feel inadequate.  Instead of being pleased with their accomplishment they may doubt themselves.  They may say to themselves, I could have done better. I could have pleased my mom if I had only gotten an A.  Children shouldn’t feel this way and I am sure this is not how their hovering parent(s) wants them to feel.  The thing is that the intention doesn’t match up with the actual results.  Plus, self-doubt can lead to another thing.

Self-doubt naturally leads into depression, whether its long term depression or short term feelings.  Children who have been subject to helicopter parenting often feel self doubt.  If they feel this way for an extended period of time it can leak into everything they do.  The child can feel inadequate, unwanted, or lonely.  These are certainly three things that parents don’t want their child to feel.  But, depression is the reality for many helicoptered children (Huffpost Healthy Living).  The child may suffer from depression for only a short time, but often these short time episodes can build on each other, snowballing into a long term thing.  Often these feelings don’t start until the child has moved and is working or in college.  They feel inadequate to continue doing what they are, and often parents don’t even realize what they have done because their child continues to walk on the treadmill their parents have put together for them.

 

But what about the people who have been helicoptered and who don’t find themselves in this self-deprecating and depressed state?  Well, some children are built up by this method of parenting.  They find a sense of pride in the fact that they never seem to fail, and that their parents are there to see them through everything.  When the changed grade comes in they think: I knew I did better than they originally said!  Their parents hovering gives them a false sense of pride and achievement.  This false sense of self-worth is something just as dangerous as depression.  Some people wonder how that is, how can such things as feeling proud, like you achieved something, and that you are worthwhile be dangerous.  Well the fact is that these children haven’t ever experienced failure.  Their hovering parents haven’t let them learn how to pick themselves back up after life has knocked them, down (USA Today).  They haven’t learned how to deal with the “real world.”  These kids parents are setting them up so that the first time they get knocked down it will be much harder than it has to be.  

I have never met anybody, which I know of, that was helicopter parented.  However, I do know several people who have friends that helicopter parent.  These parents make a chore out of being a parent.  Really, parenting is tricky there is a lot you have to think about and take care of, but helicopter parents make it something that is almost like a living hell.  They work super hard to make sure that their child is safe, happy, and successful.  What helicopter parents need to realize is that they can relax.  They can sit back and take a few minutes to read, knit, or go out with their spouse.  As their child grows they should let their children do more things on their own.

  

Studies have shown that the hard work helicopter parents put into making themselves fly to the rescue, and hovering is simply not worth it.  All their hard work can lead to many things they never intended or wanted for their children, such as depression, self-doubt, or a false sense of security.  You need to let your children become competent adults.  Parents let your children fall and then help them get back up if you need to.  But don’t try to fly them through life.  Help and guide but don’t put yourself between them and the little hardships.  you never know when a stronger wind may push them down, so let them build up their resistance, and gain a true sense of self-worth.  If you want to be an effective parent then stop hovering, and if you know somebody who hovers you may want to help them see that hovering accomplishes the opposite of what they want for their children.

This is Me on Learning

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the current blog.

________________________________________________________

     I believe in learning: learning about science and history; math and grammar; the arts and anything in between.  Since that time when I first started to read, I began to understand what learning was.  Learning is the process by which you soak up knowledge.  It is something you can do while in a formal classroom or while playing as a child.  You can learn from simply reading a novel or from scrutinizing everything you can find about a specific topic.

     All cultures and societies around the globe have been built by each generation’s knowledge.  Humanity has been structured around leading individuals’ knowledge and what the current generation has learned from the past.  What we learn is important because it will help shape us, those we talk to, write for, and teach.

     I believe in learning because it is the way my ancestors and all of mankind can tell me about themselves.  Charles Darwin and Einstein have given a part of themselves so that we can build on what they discovered.  Victor Hugo and Charles Dickens have shared, through writing, their take on the world that surrounded them.  Isaac Newton made a whole mathematical system, calculus, that is still used today.   

     When we learn, we take part in a process that is ancient and ever changing.  Everyone learns in a slightly different way.  Some learn visually, others learn through music, and some by moving while studying, while others learn in many more diverse ways.  Still, we can all learn.  We can learn and then teach, so that others may learn about the world from our perspective.  Then we can also become a part of the immortality of learning. 

     I believe that we will take our knowledge with us when we die.  Thus, learning and gaining knowledge are important not only for their value during our life on earth, but also for their value after life on earth.  What we learn will affect who we are forever.  

     When we learn, it intertwines us with the whole of humanity.  It adds a layer of polished knowledge to the time of tomorrow.  It can help make the world a better place than it was yesterday.  We must learn so that we can help the future generations move a step farther than we can.  

This Thing We Call "Love"

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the current blog.

________________________________________________________

     I've been hearing this word, love, being used a lot lately.  I mean A LOT.

  

     People use this word so much that its almost alarming.  "I love cake." "I love my girlfriend." "I love his hair." "I love, I love, I love." No one seems to just like something, or enjoy things anymore.  People seem to have to use the word "love" in order to show that they have feelings or a strong opinion about something.

     I makes me wonder... What is everybody's definition of what love is?  What is my definition?  

     So after much thought I have decided what I think the word "love" means.  In my opinion the word love doesn't mean you think something's cool. It doesn't mean that you want to be around or have whatever you "love" for ever. 
  
     In my mind, the word love is something deeper and different.  Love means that you will work to have the object.  I like pizza.  I enjoy it, and I would be willing to eat it for any meal.  However, I don't love it.  I know I don't love it because I'm not willing to work really hard so I can have pizza.

     Love is something that you both feel, and which shows a level of commitment. When you love something it should mean that not only enjoy the thing you love, but that you are willing to do whatever you need to, in order to have what you love for as long as possible. Love should mean that you won't turn around and start "loving" something else in a moment.  Love means that you will work, when things get hard, so that you can have the thing you love when times are easier.

     So, next time you go to say you "love" pizza... maybe you should think a moment... because maybe you just really like it.  And when you go to say you like your best friend, maybe you should think about it and make sure you don't actually mean you love your best friend.

     Love, it means that you will do what you think is best for the thing you love.  So, be careful what you say.
    

The Book is Always Better Then the Movie...?

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the current blog.

________________________________________________________

     Ok, ok.  I agree making that statement into a question was just stupid.  However, I have to wonder just what people mean.  Are they trying to compare the two art forms?

    Its true, when you compare the book with the movie, the book will always be better.  It is inevitable.  You see, a movie cannot fit most of what the book has in it.  So really a movie is more like a summary of things that somebody might highlight.  Why should a summary be blamed for not being able to hold everything that the full work can, and does?

    See, if you want to experience the full amazingness of something, then READ THE BOOK! Movies are something more to enjoy.  They are like intricate visual book summaries.  Its unfair to the book and movie to compare the two very different art forms. 

     What people need to learn is to separate themselves from the book that a movie may be based off of, because if you don't... well you won't ever truly enjoy a movie that is based off of a book.

     People need to stop asking for better movies, cause the fact is that nobody wants to watch a 13 hour movie.  It wouldn't work for theaters, and it would take years longer for movies to come out.  Plus, acting and scene quality are the things you should be looking at.  Not how much of your favorite characters relationship the movie is showing.  You gotta give directors a break.  Enjoy the movie for what it is.  Embrace it, or just don't bother even watching it.

     That said.  I wish they had made Lightening thief into a better movie... but I mostly have a problem with the acting.  They choose to cut out the wrong characters, and they choose a weird cast.  It was a terrible movie.  Even worse when you compare it to the book.

     But in general, I advise all you peoples who read books and then watch the movies... separate them! Don't compare movies to books.  It is just a straight path to pure disappointment.

    The book is always better then the movie, but just stop comparing them.

The Annoyance Theory

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the current blog.

________________________________________________________

     So, I was thinking.  (I know, I know. Its surprising, please don't fall off your chair yet.)

     So now that we established that I was thinking, I'll tell you what about.  Its pretty earth shattering... just to put that out there...

     I was thinking about how people seem to annoy people rather a lot.  Like your best friend forgets your birthday, and you think, "What the heck? Are we even friends?" Or maybe it was something completely different that annoyed you.  (Maybe it was the fact that your iron man suit proved a little bit faulty.)  Who knows.

     But, what I actually was thinking about, (besides daydreaming about being iron man...) was why certain people annoy us more then others.  More specifically, why does family always seem to get on each others nerves?  I mean, we are supposed to be a happy family, each others best friends, the people who are always there for each other and all that.  So, why does it seem like peoples biggest fights are with their siblings, and their largest grudges are held against parents?  Why do teenagers get along with their friends, yet when their at home they want to (or do) zone out?

     Well, while I was thinking I realized something.  It makes perfect sense that our family, or best friends, would be the people who annoy us the most, yet that we still like the best too.  The thing is that everybody annoys us at least once, at some point in time.  The people that we spend more time with annoy us more, not because they are simply more annoying, but because we are around them more.

     Pretend somebody's annoyance level is a proper percent.  So everybody's annoying 5% of the time.  Well if you barely hung out or saw the person, that 5% would mean barely anything.  However, if you were around the person a ton (like every day of your life up till now) then that 5% would be rather signifagant. It would mean that every year you'd spend at least 438 hours being annoyed with them.  That doesn't mean they would be over big things, but that you'd spend a rather good chunk of time every year being anoyed with them.

     Why? Not because they are particularly more annoying then the friends you see at church once a week, but because you simply spend more time with them.

     So dear parents, siblings, and best friends of anyone. When somebody gets annoyed or upset with you, understand its just a passing thing.  Make up, say your sorry. Cause if you don't then you may ruin the great 8322 hours of friendship or family love that is just around the little bumps of normal problems.

     Make sure that when your happy with your parents, or siblings, or best friend, that you tell them how awesome they are and how much they mean to you.  Don't let the little things get in the way of something that can last.

The Gossamer Lenses

See gossamerlens.com to stay up-to-date with the current blog.

________________________________________________________

     All of us look at life through a figurative camera.  We zoom in on certain things, like religion, family, careers, or perhaps somethings else.  We let these things take up our main focus.  We march through life only seeing things through our camera.  Some however, use their camera to look all around them, while some aren't quite interested in looking around them at all.  

     We all look at something, on this path of life, that somebody else has already looked at.  Many people before you or me has looked at a book that I love.  But, they would have described it differently then I would.  And even you who may have read the book when I was reading it, may have hated it when I adored it.  

     None of us see the same thing.  All of us see the same thing differently.  We all look through a gossamer lense.  

     A fine, fragile veil is our lense.  It changes how we all see the same object.  It tints life and gives us something different then what our neighbor is seeing.  Our lense twists and shapes reality, so that what we see is really reality-through-a-veil.  Our gossamer lens is formed of background, culture, religion, education, and personality.  These things can be ever changing but they always effect how we see the world.  They are a fragile gossamer lens placed on the cameras that we use to look at the world. 

     This gossamer lens is what makes people so interesting, so diverse, and worthwhile to speak to.  If we all saw things the same way we would all have the same opinions and we would probably find each other extremely dull, although easier to get along with.  Everyone has something to offer, due to this gossamer lense, everyone has something interesting to say. 

     In this day and age of technology and quick communication it has become easier for people to share with others what they see through the gossamer lens.  Some can speak eloquently while other share things more bluntly and with less spice.

     My hope is that I can share, in a not so boring way, what I see through my gossamer lens.