Masks

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I look in the mirror
What do I see?
Myself as I am?
Me as I appear?
The outer shell, 
That contains nothing?
The inner core, 
Shining out?

I look into your eyes. 
What is there?
Muscle, tissue, 
Chemical reactions?
The soul staring out
Through tinted panes?
Beauty pooling through
Yet, still contained?

Maybe it is but a farce
Faces may be just masks
Hiding our souls, 
From us, 
From them, 
And those we love. 

What would people think 
If our souls lay unmasked
Or perhaps I should ask
What would we be?

Poem 59 ~ 12/14/2012

Something Beyond "Self"

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     Sitting, we share poetry.  Bits and pieces of our souls are spilled into the air of our local library, at an open mic event.  Sifting through lines of varying shades of "good."  We listen.  Looking at the faces of those laughing, crying, and stoic... I saw and I learned.

     Pain is life.  For everyone it brings its own sting.  Some experience the loss of a parent, grandparent, child, or friend.  Others experience being abused by someone you should be able to trust.  For some the greatest pain is hate of oneself.  For still others being shunned by peers and experiencing bullying is apart of life.  We all hurt, and it is all different.  Even if you meet someone who has gone through the same circumstance as you, their experience is different.

     For many of us in the world we cling to a higher power, something beyond ourselves.  Not only christians do this, but Hindu, Islamic, and Buddhist religions look towards higher beings.  Even those who don't believe in a God or supreme being(s) sometimes turn to science as a a higher source of truth.  However, we sometimes forget to look beside us.  Debates arise between people, and we set up walls and barriers.  We claim our pain as ours.  Sometimes it is what makes us feel "unique."  But pain is one of the things that should really bind us.

     Yes, a mother loosing her teenage daughter to a marriage full of abuse, and loneliness is different then a mother who watches her child move from California to New York.  However, they are both mothers.  Even if they cannot empathize, they can sympathize.  We can hold each other, wipe tears, offer solace and simply... be there. We should look at each other as what we are, human.  We are connected.

     Those I shared my pain with, they didn't make a big deal, they didn't see me cry.  But they looked into my eyes, and saw me.  The walls that could have stood (my religion, gender attraction, schooling differences, dress, and appearance) were broken down between us.  Maybe not forever, but for that moment. And that moment matters.

Christianity is?

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     Christianity.  It is something simple. Christianity is to have a belief in Christ. It is a belief in the words of the New Testament.

     So then, why would it ever need be asked, "What is Christianity?"

     In the world their are LDS believers, "Mormons" if you will. They live and worship around the globe. The official name of their religion is "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints."  I am among this group of people. We all believe in Christ. We read the bible, and those with true faith turn to our Savior as our Reedemer and Salvation.  In every sense of the term, we believe in Christ. 

     When I was around 8 I was informed, by a friend of mine, that I didn't believe in Christ. My young friend informed that my soul was in peril. I refuted her words saying, "I'm mormon. I believe in Christ. We all do." She looked at me and simply stated, "Well your not Christian... So my mom says your going to hell." 

     At age 8 I was confused. Believeing in Christ and his purpose is the definition of Christianity. Thus, I was a Christian.

     As I have grown I have become more able to say with certainty that I am a Christian. Yet, increasingly I have found that my non-mormon friends do not agree with me. Many times I have asked why, and increasingly I have found that... People don't know. They don't know why they consider Mormons "non-Christian." They just know they do. Many parroting, as my friend did, "My parents say!" Or, "My pastor told us." 

     I have learned to accept that Mormons aren't considered to be Christian, among many main stream christian sects. Leaving one fundamental thing to bug me. And that is, I am. I feel and know for myself that Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. Because of this faith, I wish to glorify him. I wish my actions to reflect his love, mercy, and example. I wish to lead others to Christ, and I wish my life to be a reflection of his. How though can others be led to Christ if they do not see me as a Christian? 

     Well... They can, if I have faith. I can live to glorify him, and pray that my works can reflect my Savior's glory. For it is through him, and him alone, that mankind may be saved. I can live hoping that my actions will speak louder then others learned notions. For if Christ is with me, his Spirit will testify.

     No matter what teachings may cloud the human mind, the Holy Spirit can always point to truth, and to Christ. 

Will We Ever Heal?

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     The other day, nearing the end of my chemistry class, a friend of mine pulled out his phone and then laughed.  Being the naturally inquisitive person I am, I asked what was funny.  My friend began by explaining that on Twitter there is an anonymous feed called "yik yak."  Then he asked "You know how all the Black people sit on the bench at the top of the stairs? Right next to the entrance?"  Without waiting for a response he read what someone had said over yik yak.

     A nameless user of yik yak had written, "Did you see that slave auction at the top of the stairs?"

     I'm not sure how to describe my distress.  Not only was I chagrined (to put it lightly) that someone would say such a thing, however I also felt anguish over the fact that this friend of mine could find such an offensive thing funny.  I felt truly miserable because when he read it out loud I was one of only a handful that seemed to think it inappropriate.  At least 7 others (in a class of 20) laughed out loud, and no one but me and one other, said we thought it a disgusting thing to say.

     This experience was something that really affected me.  I think that it isn't so much just because I was disappointed with my friends (in this instance), but more so because it made me think on a bigger scale.

     In the 1870's our country, America, passed the 15th amendment.  This amendment gave African American's the right to vote.  Sadly, at that point, though the law allowed for them to vote, many states set up events, laws, or scare tactics to keep them from the voting booths.  Now I think it is safe to say that those obstacles and issues have been removed.  However, how well do we maintain equality?

     I don't think anyone in my chemistry class would say African American's shouldn't vote.  I think that the person who posted anonymously on yik yak wouldn't say such a thing to their fellow students face.  This being said, on some level, equality was not shown in this instance.

     Our country is a healing one.  America began as the land of the "free."  All better off white males were free.  Our young nation has improved and exemplified this statement more fully over the last few centuries. By giving African Americans, women, and average citizens legal rights, and many social rights as well. However, it clearly has more room to grow.  Though the laws reflect equality I think we have yet to gain an equal and free minded nation overall.

     I hope that someday such rude and cruel things will not be said at all, much less received in such a disgusting bout of mirth.

Being a Teen - Dating

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     Lately the term 'dating' has been on my mind... rather a lot.  See, for us Latter Day Saints (Mormons) dating is something you wait until 16 to do.  Rather, that's what's supposed to happen.  However, the whole thing seems a little confusing.  I mean the whole "Don't date until your 16" thing is kind of straight forward.  However, lots of teens in my religion seem confused about what kind of dating your allowed to do at that age.  *Sigh*  I could go on and on about that... saying how wrong I think some people are... but what I really want to discuss is simply my thoughts and view on the matter.  Not: my view on how others should go about it.

     I think that different people definitely have various things that work for them, whether they be LDS (a Latter Day Saint) or if they are from another denomination.  Some teens are very mature, and some just... aren't.  So, I think that people really should just focus on what their dating ideas are.  What I believe in, as far as dating goes, is based a lot on what my religion and parents advise.

     So basically my view of 'dating' is that its okay to go on group dates starting at 16, and that going on single dates are appropriate when you get older and are more interested in finding a person to marry.  I also think that you shouldn't be exclusive (exclusive = having a boyfriend or girlfriend) until you've gone on several single dates and until you are actually interested in marrying the person you want to be exclusive with.

     There you go.  In one complete paragraph I have stated how I think utopia 'dating' should work.  Sadly 'dating' seems to be a lot more complicated then that.

     For some reason society seems to want people to be exclusive.  They think it makes sense for teens to pair off.  They encourage it!  For me this just seems ridiculous because... well... a teenage relationship will lead either to things that I consider to be sinful when not limited to marriage, or to breaking up.  The fact is that I believe feelings leading to romantic love should be between a man and a woman who can actually take things somewhere without it leading to sin.

     Society's encouragement of teens pairing off troubles me for the above reasons, and because it seems like you can't escape the fact that everyone (including myself sometimes) puts others into 'couples' and pairs.  This makes it hard for me because I know that when I turn 16, and were to go on a group date, then many of my friends (if not all) would think that I liked my date.  Through no real fault of their own, but through conditioning, they would think that we were together.  Then if I were to go out with another young man (lets say the next week) many would see me as a sort of player.  They'd see me as cheating on the young man that I went out with first.  Even though I never had any sort of relationship with either of them and they are both simply my friends.

     I turn 16 in only a little bit.  I have my idea of how dating should work, and the world has their view.  Unfortunately the carrying out of my idea's will probably be viewed unfavorably by those who look at me from a more normal and non-Mormon, non-Naomi point of view.

     So, maybe I'll end up going through with my ideas and pretend not to care about any labels people may give me.  Or, I could just not do any kind of dating for awhile.  I could just wait until I get out of this weird teenage limbo.  I could just hangout with people.  Who knows what I'll do though?  I most certainly don't.

     16... I am coming.  I just don't know what to do with you.