Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poetry. Show all posts

November 11, 2015

Rain Pummels

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I lean into the wind
Soaking in the feeling
I throw back my head
And simply breath

Rain
It pummels

Heart beating in time
Close my eyes
Feel the wind
Supporting me
Keeping me
Wind slanting rain
It goes with me

Mouth open 
Rain falls in
Feeling amazing
So sweet and clear

A smile appears

So I stand
Rain hits my head
Feeling like a hand
Stroking my pace
And I wish
It would never end
Poem 21 ~ 5/3/2011

November 4, 2015

Feeling Neverland

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     Colleges have begun to flood my email and snail mail with information about their programs. They send me explanations of why their program is "just right" for me.  Many of my good friends have already moved off to college, or to go on two year missions for our church. And as these two things align, I realize an ever growing fear.  A fear of growing up.

     I don't mean I have a fear of growing old.  Age is superfluous in my mind.  I don't fear my face being lined with wrinkles, nor my hands becoming blemished and shaking. What I fear is having to leave my childhood home, leaving friends for college, and forgetting to enjoy simple things because of responsibility.  To fear. It hurts. 

Anxiety runs like veins 
Like nerves 
Linked to brain 
To heart
Pushing to be known 
Running on it's own

Logic wishing to call
But the feeling coursing 
Love being twisted
To fear and ache
Happiness being turned
To withered leaves
Ready to fall

My heart
Yearns and calls
Into the chasm 
Of faith
And somewhere
The thread is tied

I hold 
Despite 
The pain of fear
The pain of anxious everything
Poem 214 ~ 3/18/2015

     I feel like Wendy Darling.  One foot in the nursery, and one out the door.  Stuck on the stories, playtime, and dreams of childhood.  Yet, working on gaining a career, living on my own, and attempting to become a thoughtful adult.  In some ways I am ready to move into the world. Still in others... I'm trying to find Neverland.


     The draw of stuck time pulls, but the reality of moving through life appeals.  I may feel Neverland wishing to be near.  But to grow up, that shall be my awfully big adventure. 

October 8, 2015

Yellowing Pages

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Sitting here writing
Wisps of image
Shrouded shadow
Of Imagined future
Passed before me
Danced like film
Across my vision

The cold
It touched my shoulder
The sounds
They faded away
Like yellowing pages
And I saw your face
As it could be

Your arm over
Around my shoulders
The whisper 
Of those words
The ones I love
To hear you say

Then it crumpled 
Like falling dough
The bread collapsed
And I was chewing 
On nothing
Poem 105 ~ 4/10/2013

     Memories, feelings, and thoughts diminish over time.  What once was often changes.  Sometimes, looking over older poems the emotions I wrote feel like a lie.  As the writer, I know what each poem was born through.  However, just because the adoration, pain, or perspective has passed as I've grown... that doesn't negate the validity of writing.  Every poem has helped me realize, handle, and come to grips with what I have felt.  At the moment of creation, each poem has filled it's purpose.  

     I have grown, I have changed.  I continue to feel, and I must accept the moving on that is life.  You cannot cling on to who you have been, or who you were.  Later it may feel like you chewed on nothing.  But at the time, that "nothing" felt like something.  Poetry is a way to express my now, and reflect on the past.  

     "I am a slave to emotion... Pens... Keep working... Until I need you no more... which will be when I stop feeling" 
                    Poem 106 ~ 4/11/13






September 17, 2015

To Feel My Love

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You say
My cheeks
Are beautiful
These ones
I contour
And hate

Trace my jawline
With your kisses
Hold my hips
Breathe my air

Hold me
Like poetry
Love me
Like warmth

You are the first
I can see forever
Despite the chasm
Of unknown

I'm afraid of falling
But it almost
Looks appealing
And my heart is breaking
But my breath is leaving

Oh Gosh
These feels


Poem 234

August 27, 2015

Masks

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I look in the mirror
What do I see?
Myself as I am?
Me as I appear?
The outer shell, 
That contains nothing?
The inner core, 
Shining out?

I look into your eyes. 
What is there?
Muscle, tissue, 
Chemical reactions?
The soul staring out
Through tinted panes?
Beauty pooling through
Yet, still contained?

Maybe it is but a farce
Faces may be just masks
Hiding our souls, 
From us, 
From them, 
And those we love. 

What would people think 
If our souls lay unmasked
Or perhaps I should ask
What would we be?





Poem 59 ~ 12/14/2012

August 2, 2015

What it is to be...

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Sinking in misery
I curl around her
Arm around waist
Holding hands
Feet warming the other's 
We eat the silence
Embracing essence.

Crying in silence
Loving her 
Wishing for better
For less heartbreak
Greater kindness
For her. 

Breathing in hair
The hair
Smelling like mine
Our colors blending
The eyes matching
Noses just alike. 

Hearts different
Yet seeing
Just knowing 
I don't wish 
Her heart
To understand
The pain of mine.

She and I 
Trusting. 
Her so sweet
Already begging 
To understand
Pain.

Pain shouldn't be 
I don't want tears
For they shatter
They speak of things
She is to beautiful 
To see
To feel
To crack from 
To mend up.

Chin on shoulder
Knees tangled
Listening to breath
Feeling her breath
We inhale together
And I know 
What it is 
To be "sister"




Poem 224 ~ 4/5/2015

June 22, 2015

Lost Love

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Shadows move
Like misery
Through fragrant winds

Light shimmers
Passing mists
Of time and memory

Lightening struck
Flashed like beauty
But for a moment

My ears
They ring
With echoes of thunder

Still images dance
To syncopated time
And fate that pens can't change
Poem 75 ~ 2/18/2013

May 18, 2015

Inspiration

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Oh joy of joys! 
Elation that I feel
In my bosom burn

Why were you
So long in coming
To this mistress of yours?

I wanted to write
For the world
For you

And now my joy! 
I can write any and all
But why all this time?

I may be a child
But I am old in heart
A fine polish emerging 

You look at my face
You see youth
But eyes deceive like fools

You touch my heart
And you will find
The age of time

So why did you wait?
Why so long in coming
When I longed for you?

But at last my joy 
You are mine... 
Though not for long

My wisdom knows; 
Tomorrow I will yearn 
For the something I still lack

Yet, there is peace in my soul 
And joy fills my heart
For now at least, 
In this precious moment.
Poem 43 ~ 9/11/2012

May 10, 2015

A Mother

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She drinks in the sobs
Of her child.
She comforts and consoles.
She brushes away the tears,
From a plump little face.
She kisses away the hurt,
And the sorrows of a second.
She firmly tells the child, "No."
Then she distracts with a toy.
She softly sings her darling to sleep,
On those fearsome nights
When only a mother's voice
Can comfort her child.
She cleans a child's muddy clothes
Without a word of thanks.

~

And as her child grows
She consoles the hurt of minutes -
The whiplash of a careless comment;
The sting of not being able to go;
The laughing faces of her child's peers.
She leads her child to safer waters,
Steering by example.
And when her child is hurt,
Truly hurt,
She hurts as well;
And her heart aches
For the wants of her growing child.

~

And when her child leaves
She gets the front row seat;
To watch the play unfold.
And if the play shows danger,
For her grown up child,
She simply slips back stage
And helps her child iron
The kinks out of their play.

~

And why does she do all this?
She does it because she loves
Her little child
With the tenderness of a butterfly
With the strength of an elephant
And with the heart of a lion.
What a wonderful love
Is the love of a mother!
 Poem 7 ~ 2011

April 27, 2015

Song of Spring

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I twirl
Feasting on the sun. 
My arms outstretched
Brushing over the grass.
So tall it tickles
And claws,
At my spinning arms.
I hum along
To the melody.
Of the birds, the bees,
And the tree frogs.
I listen to the harmony
Of it all.
It is like a symphony.
Every sound
Plays a different tune.
Yet, all work.
Together.
Making the song
Of spring.
The interlude
To summer.
Poem 27 ~ 2011

April 13, 2015

The Blushing Sky

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The moon steps down off the stage
The birds begin to chirp 
They twirl and sing their intro music
For the sun and earth
The sky is glad they love the act
So she smiles and blushes
Showing her emotions to all

The trees begin to wave their hands
For they do love the morning 
The sun begins to come on stage
The sky's blushing cheeks
Giving off their hues

And the squirrels call it
The pinks and reds of morning
And the bats think of it as fire
Chasing them back to their caves
And as the sky blushes
Her shadowed dimples cast in purple
Begin to become apparent

And all the world is bright
And joining in the smile of the sky
With singing hearts
And smiling faces
And a gratitude for life
Poem 17 ~ 4/29/2011

April 10, 2015

Something Beyond "Self"

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     Sitting, we share poetry.  Bits and pieces of our souls are spilled into the air of our local library, at an open mic event.  Sifting through lines of varying shades of "good."  We listen.  Looking at the faces of those laughing, crying, and stoic... I saw and I learned.

     Pain is life.  For everyone it brings its own sting.  Some experience the loss of a parent, grandparent, child, or friend.  Others experience being abused by someone you should be able to trust.  For some the greatest pain is hate of oneself.  For still others being shunned by peers and experiencing bullying is apart of life.  We all hurt, and it is all different.  Even if you meet someone who has gone through the same circumstance as you, their experience is different.

     For many of us in the world we cling to a higher power, something beyond ourselves.  Not only christians do this, but Hindu, Islamic, and Buddhist religions look towards higher beings.  Even those who don't believe in a God or supreme being(s) sometimes turn to science as a a higher source of truth.  However, we sometimes forget to look beside us.  Debates arise between people, and we set up walls and barriers.  We claim our pain as ours.  Sometimes it is what makes us feel "unique."  But pain is one of the things that should really bind us.

     Yes, a mother loosing her teenage daughter to a marriage full of abuse, and loneliness is different then a mother who watches her child move from California to New York.  However, they are both mothers.  Even if they cannot empathize, they can sympathize.  We can hold each other, wipe tears, offer solace and simply... be there. We should look at each other as what we are, human.  We are connected.

     Those I shared my pain with, they didn't make a big deal, they didn't see me cry.  But they looked into my eyes, and saw me.  The walls that could have stood (my religion, gender attraction, schooling differences, dress, and appearance) were broken down between us.  Maybe not forever, but for that moment. And that moment matters.

March 23, 2015

Illogical Running

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     Running turns to walking 
     When faced with ice
     So loving should turn to nothing
     When ones treated as a vice

     Yet the heart warms
     Though it may shiver
     So all to often
     The heart slowly withers 

     For it doesn't retreat 
     It simply stays
     When it should 
     have relinquished 
     It's prey
Poem 215 ~ 3/19/2015

March 16, 2015

Shield and Sword

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     With my arms
     I have tried to protect you
     I told you
     Of my joys
     So my wounds
     You couldn't share

     I petitioned to God 
     For him to give you wonder
     My prayers were themed 
     Asking for you to be free

     If I was in pain
     My heart would soar
     Thinking that you hurt not
     That you were innocent

     In my dreams 
     They take you
     And it is I who comes
     When they prepare their knives
  
     I come to you
     And they watch me 
     Hungrily they watch
     And I give myself for you

     I take your pain
     They torture, eat, hold me
     And my only joy
     Is knowing they cannot touch you

     In life I would do it
     I would take pain
     The pain meant for you
     
     It wasn't until now that I saw
     The greatest pain
     My arms can't deflect 
     Is me
     And that eventually I must leave

     My arms cannot shield 
     For they are the pain
     I sacrifice myself 
     But my sacrifice hurts you

     Last night I dreamt 
     They I gave myself to
     And the greatest pain
     Was feeling your eyes watch

     There was no joy
     And your eyes
     They hurt the most
 Poem 89 ~ 3/14/2013

March 7, 2015

Pushed Into Flight

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     I say tweet tweet in the wind,
     The new bird can fly
     Mama bird gives a worm to eat
     I sit and think
     Brother bird sings a poem
     Baby bird sleeps.....

     This is the first poem I ever wrote.  I have no memory of writing it.  I declare that it is my first based off of the fact that my mother remembers writing down my words, and that my Grandpa wrote it down for himself.

     When I had just turned 13 my Grandpa gave me two sheets of paper.  Both together contained a grand total of three poems.  He and I sat together on his lazy boy (myself sitting on my arm rest perch).  He read me the poems with tenderness in his voice.  I listened. When he finished I asked him where they were from. He looked into my eyes and told me that they were my very own words. He told me that when I was 3 my mother called him and read to him these poems.  Careful to get every word he typed them up on his laptop. Now he was showing them to me.  His eyes showed pride.  Pride in me and these poems from the child I had been but don't remember being.


      A couple weeks before this moment, I had been under the impression that I had written my first poem.  It was a silly one, but the rhyme was good and the meter rather fair.  Now he told me that it was actually my 4th poem.  After 10 years of keeping it on his computer he wanted me to have a copy.


     "What for?" I asked.  "Why is this important?"


     I wish I could remember his exact words... but I cannot.  However, the condensed version I retain is, "These poems have a child's emotions portrayed in a natural setting.  Feeling is portrayed.  That is where the beauty lies. In the emotion."


     Only a little bit latter he died.  It was raw emotion. It was pain. And it reminded me of what he said. That beauty lies in the emotion.  And so, I wrote. I wrote my 5th poem. One full of love, longing, pain, and missing. The emotion pushed... and my wings unfurled.  I was pushed into a flight of expression.  A flight that sheds many poems, and helps me process the things I feel.


     Scraps and fragments

     Only pieces are good
     These 200 poems
     They hold shattered, scattered lines
     Scattered lines of beauty
     Pens have wasted ink
     I hope they except apologies
     However I'll keep wasting them
     Because I need to
     I'm a slave to emotion
     Pens, I am sorry
     But you shouldn't be
     So keep working
     Until I need you no more
     Which will be when I stop feeling