February 19, 2015

Lessons Learned from Dating

     In every culture there is a different way of going about dating.  Some date one boy in particular and give him everything, others go out with many people and treat it as simply a way to become better friends.  Whatever you do, and how you go about it... I think you learn lessons from dating.  Over the last bit that I have been allowed to date (16 is when people in my religion may begin to date), I have treated it several different ways.  

     There are the friends who I have asked out on group dates, in order to just get to know them better.  There are the boys who I have liked and called "boyfriend."  Their are boys who I have adored and sorta gone out with, but we never called it anything.  All of these boys, however we defined our dates, were a risk of the heart I hold.  Not necessarily were they an opportunity for my heart to be broken, or hurt.  But they all were an opportunity to have my heart changed.  

     Every person you meet in this world has an opportunity to change you somehow. Maybe just a little. But they have the opportunity to change you in some degree. The closer we let people, the more opportunity they have to change us, to influence us. And to go on a date is the step up from hanging out.  Thus, it makes sense that people we go on dates, or a date, with would have more opportunity to shape us as a person.  

     The heart starts out ours, and slowly it changes.  It grows.  Family, friends, crushes, acquaintances, bullies.  They all tie in making us who we are.  Some introduce us to sushi.  A few to snub remarks about hair.  Others show us Folk Music.  Many introduce pieces of us, that weren't but now are.  Dating is... something where we say we are willing to open ourselves up to someone.  We will allow those people to influence us somehow.  We are open to it.  We embrace it to some extent.  

     The healing of a long hug; the pain of being ignored; the finding that you like theater popcorn; figuring out you cannot stand super strong cologne; that you enjoy being asked if your comfortable; that you like boys who laugh at things you say; that you don't like boys who never make their own jokes; the building up of your confidence in a talent; or the weakening of one of your aspirations.  These are things you can learn from dating, and which shape who you are.  Done casually or seriously, dating is an opportunity to let things be added to your knowledge, and to your heart. 

     The heart is a pieced together thing.  Always changing.  Growing, shrinking, hurting, reaching.  Dating is often fun, and should be enjoyable.  The important thing is to remember, however you go about it... be wise as to whom you welcome, and open your heart to.  We cannot exactly choose who we have feelings for.  But we can keep such feelings from turning into love.  We can choose who we will invite to touch our soul, our heart, our mind.  The lessons I have learned are many.  But this one encompasses them all: Go wisely, for the hearts sake.  


  1. But...I thought we could decide who we love. That's what makes love love, right?

    But yeah, great post. I'm your age but I still haven't gone out on any dates. I guess there's something about my personality that turns girls off--perhaps I stand to close to them or make off-color comments, I don't know.

    1. I looked back at that and saw I worded that poorly. Hopefully the edit makes more sense.
      We cannot exactly decide who we have feelings for, but we can choose who to let into our heart, and thus we can choose who we love.

      Thank you! I'm glad you liked the post!

      Depending on how you look at dates, and those around you look at them, they may just not be on anyone's agenda. You're a very nice person in many ways. Don't put yourself down. Everyone has faults. We just all must try and work on them when we notice them. :)

    2. Yeah, except me and you are good friends. but with other girls, I struggle to actually get in the friendzone. Do you have any advice?

  2. Great post. I think dating is also an opportunity to prepare a couple for marriage, depending on what time of life it is done in. Courting is another method of doing so. But yes, I understand why you focused on this particular aspect of dating. Well done.

    1. Dating has many purposes. My point was to simply impart something I have learned. I have yet to look for a spouse, thus I have not learned how to prepare specifically for one man via dating. I have learned that tact, and care are important while dating, as those you date change you to some extent.
      Purpose is different then lessons learned.
      I'm glad you thought it well done.

  3. I like the part of "Some introduce us to sushi." (I love sushi!)

    I also love the part of "Every person you meet in this world has an opportunity to change you somehow." It reminded me of in Wicked, the song For Good (Who can say if I've been changed for the better? But because I knew you I have been changed for good.)

    Here's a list of other spots I really liked, with a short "why" in ().
    "... we say we are willing to open ourselves up to someone." (You can't get to know someone who isn't willing to let in.)
    "The closer we let people, the more opportunity they have to change us, to influence us." (Personal experience that that phrase puts into perfect words.)
    "... be wise as to whom you welcome, and open your heart to." (Don't let just anyone in.)
    "We cannot exactly choose who we have feelings for. But we can keep such feelings from turning into love." (Had to be careful about that since I was 5.)

    Honestly, I love the post. Well written, very thoughtful. All-in-all amazing.

    1. Thank you for the thoughts, and for expressing them as a comment on this post!
      It is wonderful to hear back from readers, to know what they thought. It makes me happy to know people have read and enjoyed. Thank you!

  4. Dear Damsel,

    As an anonymous reader I have always loved your blog, I remembered that I hadn’t checked it in a while so I came all the way back to this post. I had a thought to comment so I decided to tell you at the same time that I appreciate and respect your view on life. You set your thoughts down in such entertaining ways, it is almost impossible not to love them! Now for my question/thought, I have always taken the idea of dating seriously. I have always hated it when someone says they’re just “casually dating” or “dating just for fun.” Do people know that they aren’t being taken seriously? Is this what society thinks nowadays, that dating is just for fun? Why are we degrading something so important? Like you said, getting close to someone and letting them be an important person in your life gives them the power to tear you apart or build you up Then I saw this and I wondered, “do I have a stick up my butt over this issue?” I am over the age you believe it’s okay to start dating and I haven’t really wanted to date any guys because I always thought that I might hurt them if I get to close or something like that. Is it an excuse on my part? Do I have a problem deeper down? I don’t know. Often I wonder if I hurt certain boys by pushing them away, even just gently, when I think I'm giving them too much hope or getting too close even just as friends. Sometimes I just don't know where the line is, so I felt like getting your opinion on this matter…