March 3, 2014

Dear Drivers,

Hello there!  I'm a bit new to this club... in fact, I don't even have a drivers license yet.  I've got a permit though.  Which is TOTALLY fun and worthwhile.  I just thought I should mention a couple things to y'all; due mostly, to the fact that some people seem to be a little too laid back about driving a death machine at incredible speeds.  So here they are (and yes I’m numbering them for easy reference):

  1. There are these octagon shaped signs, and for easy reference they are red, and only put at intersections.  In case you are having a hard time remembering, these signs have BIG white lettering on it that read: "STOP"  Yes, that is a real quote.  Now, I know I'm new to this whole thing... but, as far as I can tell, those signs actually mean that you’re supposed to stop.  Like, stop... not "Slowly inch up until you can see that traffic is clear and then speed up" or "Slow down and be ready to stop if completely necessary.  So, maybe we could all get on the same page there.

  1. White signs with numbers on them... these ones are sometimes called "speed signs" or “speed limit markers,”  they actually mean exactly what the name implies.  That the ‘little’ black numbers are the speed people are ‘supposed’ to be going.  So, lets pretend someone is going 40 mph and the ‘little’ black numbers actually read "40," that means, that the person, is in fact, following the speed limit... so, there’s no need to get frustrated.  There is simply no need.  You can follow the speed limit too!

  1. Pulling out in front of someone on short notice is frustrating.  It’s even a little more frustrating then being invited to do something last minute and then not being able to go.  It’s just silly too.  I mean, you can’t wait 5 seconds, and pull out after a car has passed?  Here is a bonus of about 5 seconds, you could even form a complete thought about something in that window of time.  You could decide that you do in fact like chocolate ice cream best (though if you question that maybe you shouldn't be allowed to drive).  Or, you could decide that you should call that person who has been trying to get ahold of you for weeks.

  1. Now onto the matter of phones.  STOP using them please!  Not only are you a hazard to everyone, but even when you complete a drive and haven't crashed, the fact is that you were probably annoying thought the whole drive.  You were all over the road, and/or you were annoyingly speeding up and then slowing down.  If that didn't convince you... maybe this will:  You don't use your phone in the shower, because it would ruin the phone.  So why would you drive and use your phone??  You could possibly ruin your phone by using it in the car.  You could also ruin a human body... but you know, technology is the priority here.

  1. There are these things called cross walks.  It’s where people are technically supposed to walk.  Something to know about them is that you are never supposed to stop on them.  When you stop for a light, you should be behind the cross walk.  That way people can... wait for it... WALK!  It would be, and is frustrating when people decide to walk across the road in places they aren't supposed to cross.  So, how annoying is it when people stop fully on or even a little bit on the crosswalk, where people are supposed to be moving?

So I hope that wasn't TOO harsh and that all of you driving people can shape up just a little bit.  Its hard being a new driver, its harder when people are doing frustratingly not-proper-driving things.
                                                                  With many wishes of improvement,

                                                                                                              The Damsel